Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

Title: Fifty Shades of Grey
Author: E.L. James
Genre: Fiction, Erotica, Romance
Published: 2011
Rating:

Confession: Guys, this was a DNF. I tried so hard for you but it was due back to the library, I was 3/4 done, and I just didn't care about the book enough to finish it. I still wanted to review it for you since I got through most of it.

Brief Overview: Virginal Anastasia Steele meets powerful businessman Christian Grey who has odd sexual proclivities.

Words and Phrases Overused in this book:
1. clamber
2. Oh my!/Holy shit!
3. sardonic
4. inner goddess

Please note: Synonyms can be found in a book called a thesaurus (which contrary to popular belief is not a dinosaur)...


Why Anastasia is the most ridiculous character ever:
1. She is a 21 year old virgin with no particular reason for being one. (no moral, religious, or personal reason is given)
2. She says "oh my!" and clambers in to things too often.
3. She has no idea about basic concepts of sex - virgin or not, educate yourself, girl.
4. What kind of name is Anastasia Steele? Sounds pretty contrived to me.
5. The author paints her as basically asexual in the beginning but then all of a sudden she is very into sex.
6. She has never been out of the country, has never been drunk and doesn't own a computer. The author should have just made her Amish.

Why Christian Grey is a creep: 
1. He is a self confessed stalker, tracks Ana's phone, and counts exactly how many bites of food she eats.
2. He enters into an intense sexual relationship requiring a contract with a virgin.
3. He tells her that he likes her pigtails and says she looks so young with them. Apparently looking like a child is sexy.
4. He won't let Ana talk about the things they do- even to her best friend.
5. He was sexually abused at 15, and now preys on an innocent.

Silliest Sentences: 
"My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves."

"He's my very own Christian Grey flavor popsicle."
"My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the smile on her face."
"My inner goddess is jumping up and down and clapping her hands like a five year old."

Also, I don't think I was supposed to laugh during the sex scenes.

What to read next: Fifty Shades Darker (E.L. James) or Bared to You (Sylvia Day)

I'm not going to say anything else. I'll just leave it to you guys to decide whether to read it. I haven't seen the movie, but I hear the soundtrack is pretty great (Beyonce, Ellie Goulding...) So, maybe that will be the better choice.
Have you read the book? Seen the movie? What did you think?